Monday, April 22, 2013

This Feeling

-This Feeling-
I have this smile which misleads
I have this smirk which is misunderstood
I have a sadness in my eyes
A sadness that is not seen by others
A sadness no one sees
This sadness I don't understand
I have this feeling, this emotion'
The feeling of emptiness
This feeling of loneliness
The emotions so mixed up inside
The feeling of being all screwed up
The feeling of wanting understanding
Wanting just one person to truly care
I have this temptation
This temptation which is hard to ignore
Wanting to just give in
I have this wall built to high
So high nobody can enter or move down
Wanting someone, anyone to at least try
I have this feeling..

Double LIfe

-Double Life-
So I find myself laying here in my bed
With a pen and paper in hand
Listening to music trying to clear my head
Trying to get my emotions out
Hating how I feel inside and being so down
Sick of hiding this frown
Not having anyone who understands
All these mix emotions I can't explain
Wanting them all to go away
Wanting to do nothing but place blame
These feelings, these emotions I can't bare
Wondering why they wont just disappear
Always just leaving me with a blank stare
From being sad, happy, angry
Misunderstood by everyone around me
Just wanting someone to be able to see
That there is something wrong with me
But all everyone does see is the "smile"
The smile which is perfect to misguide
Everyone who encounters that's all they see
Hell I'd even call myself a pro
A pro of misleading everyone around me
With not one person expecting anything
If only they knew what I hold inside
Its like I'm living a double life.

The Pain

-The Pain-
The pain I'm feeling is unbearable
Uncomfortable and quezzy
Sick to my stomach
Depressed and confused
Not knowing what had happened
Only thinking the worse
Not knowing the truth
Only what I'm told by others
Making myself sick
Always thinking about it
Constantly on my mind
Knowing I will never know the truth
Dazed and confused
Mixed feelings inside
Wanting the answers
This pain unwanted
Being so stressed
Feeling nothing but pain!

How could you

-How could you-
How could you?
Break my heart so easily in just a second
You said you loved me
But one drunken night changed it all
You had forgotten it all
Our love, our past, our dreams, our everything
Just for a night of fun
Everyone had reminded you of me
Still you didn't care
So you give me such a pain I can hardly bare
Now you say your sorry
And how you still love me, that you messed up
Well I'm sorry is just a word, its action that I look for
Still no actions, makes me question
Is what we had just a fling
Or just love that I only felt
It hurts I admit
I'm just not ready to quit
All I want to know
How could you?


Sitting here in the dark
Radio playing sad country songs
Thinking about everything that had happened
How life couldn't get any worse
Hoping tomorrow brings goodness
Avoiding all badness in life
Crying to the past
Wanting things to go back
Wishing history would be tomorrow
Come back and things would be good
Considering options good and bad
How everything in life makes me sad


Sitting here at night
Thinking about what has happened
Hoping that everything would come back to me
Just praying that I could remember
Just one little memory would be good
Close my eyes and thinking hard
Being all confused and mixed up
Wishing I hadn't blacked out
Only remembering bits and pieces
Feeling hurt and sick because I don't remember
Thinking about the worse
Just wanting to confront him
Asking what had went on
Hurting inside being confused
Wanting answers but get none
Nothing else to do but to hurt!

Change of Heart

-Change of Heart-
Kissed by love, stung by pain
I promised myself never again
I'd give it up for good, be lonely all my life
Never be a mother, never be a wife
But you changed my mind
After I had promised myself a million times
So let me ask you now
You changed the biggest part of me, how?
Made me remember the kiss forget the pain
Made me feel a love so utterly impossible to sustain
More than words can describe, more than I can show
You  changed my life forever and I just wanted you to know